Quotes about closures

Melvin Helitzer -

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.

Yogi Berra -

I want to thank everybody who made this day necessary.

Jack Benny -

I really don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Art Buchwald -

I explained to him I had simple tastes and didn't want anything ostentatious no matter what it costs.

Benjamin Disraeli -

I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion I think it must be gratitude.

Jean Giraudoux -

I forgot they were talking about me. They sound so wonderfully convincing.

Anonymous -

I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school everybody hated me.

Bob Hope -

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

Wimp Sanderson -

I've been here so long . . . when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick yet.

Anonymous -

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Anonymous -

Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.

Anonymous -

The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.

J. Petit-Senn -

It is almost impossible to find those who admire us entirely lacking in taste.

Ambrose Bierce -

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.

Irvin S. Cobb -

A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

Mark Twain -

Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.

Norman Vincent Peale -

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

Anonymous -

Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

Anonymous -

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.

Anonymous -

If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

Patricia Jasper Clark -

A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.

George Miller -

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

Mike Kalin -

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."

Groucho Marx -

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

Martin H. Fischer -

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Anonymous -

There are no perfect people - except of course my wife's first husband.

Jackie Mason -

Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

Anonymous -

I love a finished speaker I really truly do. I don't mean one who's polished I just mean one who's through.

Anonymous -

Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.

Bob Phillips -

It is always dullest before the yawn.

Anonymous -

I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.

Wendy Morgan -

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.

Robert De Niro -

Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.

Anonymous -

Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.

Oliver Hardy -

Another fine mess you've got us in Stanley.

Troy Anderson -

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Maria Morgan -

Let's face it some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Johannes Brahms -

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.

Henny Youngman -

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

Marlon Brando -

I thank you for not snoring.

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