Quotes about dark-humor

Most people on the ledge of a tall building were not afraid they'd fall they were afraid they'd jump.

If you believe in the eighteenth century view of the mind, you will look and act wimpy. You will think that all you need to do is give people the facts and the figures and they will reach the right conclusion. You will think that all you need to do is point out where their interests lie, and they will act politically to maximize them. You will believe in polling and focus groups: you will believe that if you ask people what their interests are, they will be aware of them and will tell you, and w

On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.

Maybe tranquility is the dirt under my nails. I know it's there but I never feel like digging it out.

Oh, precious losing streak,you're too cute for your own good. I try to laugh about itbut my face is made of wood.

Beyond all of that, I could see the wall I had seen from inside the train, the wall that runs along the train line. I assumed that there, behind it, was the west, and I was right. I could have been wrong, but I was right.' If she had any future it was over there, and she needed to get to it.I sit in the chair exploring the meaning of dumbstruck, rolling the word around in my mind. I laugh with Miriam as she laughs at herself, and at the boldness of being sixteen. At sixteen you are invulnerable.

Magic. I draw with silver and it turns red.

It doesn’t matter what other people think when you’re right - John Cleaver

Sow a thought and reap an action, sow an action and reap a habit, sow a habit and reap a destiny - John Cleaver

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.

I am glad to be led by light.

He comes.And he comesloadedwith noise pollution.If I ever prayed for anything,it was for a manto shut up.

When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?

I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.

I hear they make greeting cards now to thank your therapist... for NOTHING

One hand was behind his back, and he held it out, presenting a bouquet of white and smoky purple lilies. “They’re straight from the underworld, by the way. They are everlasting. They won’t die.

So I heard the boom of my father's rifle when he shot my best friend. A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that.

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)

The Angel of Death is always a young person, or a group of young people, you'll begin seeing them left and right soon.

In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.

Are you entirely sure of that knot?' asked Morveer. 'There is no place in the plan for a lengthy drop'.'Twenty-eight strides', said Friendly.'What?''The drop'.A brief pause, 'That is not helpful'.

Oh get over it Cecilia! You are no longer human. Such decorum doesn’t exist amongst our kind

Rap un zeal' Demon within. I might as well put up a giant 'Come and Get Eaten' sign for the good those warning runes do.

Assassination is an art, milord, and I am the city’s most accomplished artist - Durzo Blint

Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint

A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint

Your Majesty,” Durzo said gravely. “A man of your stature’s cursing vocabulary ought to extend beyond a tedious reiteration of the excreta that fills the void between his ears.” - Durzo Blint

Ariadne made an impression on you, and that's great. But life is not literature. Sooner or later, the spell wears off, the romantic feelings disappear, and you're left watching somebody's body disintegrate. You start with a love story, you end up manacled to an hourglass, watching the sands run out.

You may be married to a star, but that doesn't mean they'll treat you like one.

Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again.

Daddy is jive talkingand showering the stripperMommy is sleepwalkingwhile changing baby's diaper

If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd.

Darkness is necessary for evolvement.

I’m not who you think I am. I’m an actor. Just like all of you. I’m improvising, shooting from the hip. It’s all a lie. I’m a lie. You’re a lie. The lights—they don’t lie. But when they shine, they only tell half the story.

How much is real and for how long..

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

The world had been divided into two parts that sought to annihilate each other because they both desired the same thing, namely the liberation of the oppressed, the elimination of violence, and the establishment of permanent peace.

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli

While art thrives on the blazing colours of scandal, literature blossoms on the dark soil of tragedy.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person’s body, and tied them end-to-end…the person will die.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST!And that thought just cracked me up.]It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals.

Two death sentences? Really? I mean, you look very well, considering.”Crane grinned at him. “One was in absentia. One wasn’t, and I spent three days in a condemned cell. I can’t recommend the experience.”“And—did you say a smuggler?”“That was what the death sentences were for.

You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.

I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.

Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.

...do you have someone you can stay with? Hell, stay with your mother. The Pentagon doesn’t have the security system she’s g

Heart condition? That’s rich. I guess you can call a heart not beating a condition.-PJ

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?

Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought...once you've hired the car...

Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. Being smart. Acting stupid. Not listening. Not answering the first time. Not doing what I’m told. Not doing it the second time I’m told. Running, jumping, yelling, laughing, falling down, skipping stairs, lying in the snow, rolling in the grass, playing in the dirt, walking in mud, not wiping my feet, not taking my shoes off. Sliding down the banister, acting like a wild Indian in the hallway. Making a mess and leaving it. Pissing my pants, just a litt

I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.''You smell terrible.''That's the smell of evil.''It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.''Evil," Scapegrace insisted.

I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving.""Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?""Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which se

I can't get his bonesto go down the fucking drain.I try to stuff the tiny holes,too tiny for this pain.I can't get his bonesto break any way for my gain.Break them back a little too far,never too far for the sake of sane.

AK 47, is perfect copy, yes? Every detail. Like real thing. Yes. Kalashnikov. Your boy, he be happy for Uncle Sante, no?”“I’m sorry, Sante. It’s really nice of you, but I don’t want Sofus playing with guns.”Conversation between George Hanson and SanteIn The Shadow of Sadd

It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of being. Because he had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp.

It would be hilariously tragic if I avoided the rabids, avoided the sun, only to be fried to a crisp on a damn electric fence because I was too impatient.

Wolves eat dogs." That did seem to be the consensus of the village, Arkady thought. Roman shook his head as if he'd given the matter a lot of consideration. "Wolves hate dogs. Wolves hunt down dogs because they regard them as traitors. If you think about it, dogs are dogs only because of humans; otherwise they'd all be wolves, right? And where will we be when all the dogs are gone? It will be the end of civilization.

Try & try until you cannot succeed.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Never a good sign, he thought, when the crows showed up.

School never teaches you about this mangled human slime, it slays me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards carve their initials in your back.

The moral high ground proved to be one hell of an aphrodisiac...

And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.-Haymitch Abernathy

He said, “If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site.” Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.

Francis Ford Coppola - A man climbs a mountain and they call him a hero. I climb mountains that aren't even there.

Alice is fictional. This isn't.

...I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn't know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the skin of my ankles.

Today’s generation didn’t want to watch ancient actors reciting the same tired lines. They wanted to see themselves reflected onscreen –rude, raw, entitled. These kids needed to believe that they themselves were only one daring, controversial act away from being up on that screen themselves.

Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly.

An ordinary man can enjoy breakfasting on juice and rye bread.But when you are underfed, scorned, miserable or just plain bored, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food.You want something a little more colourful, exciting, tastier, meatier and juicier.

I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.

You are so beautiful, I could eat you,” he said.And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine.And he could eat her.

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. (Dark City Lights)

The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen's example, was sleeping with your superiors.

Don't let 'em see they killed you!

Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ...

You are fifty different kinds of twisted.""Only fifty? Val, you wound me.

Terry loved candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work.And killing people.

He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.

You have really nice teeth,” Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of human body parts.

Don't tell me it's going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being that fucker's pinata!

Are we not all actors playing parts in another person's play?

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged.

You have to figure that there is something seriously wrong with somebody who wants to enter a profession that deals with whether people are screwing enough. Dealing with spirits, spooks, and demons almost seemed normal.

Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.

Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.

There is sometimes a fine line between a cop and a criminal. What drives their personality may be the same, and they have simply chosen different roles and professions to call their own."Dr. ML Rapier PhD, Clinical Psychologist.

I had battled my own demons that day, facing down the thing that imprisoned me since the accident-a scar and the diffidence it created inside of me. But it was just a physical blemish, not something that made me who I am. It took a mentally disturbed murderer who gave me a sneak peak at death to show me that.

Maybe my dissertation really had been as brilliant as he claimed, the truth was I remember almost nothing about it; the intellectual leaps I made when I was young were a distant memory to me, and now I was surrounded by a kind of aura, when really my only goal in life was to do a little reading and get in bed at four in the afternoon with a carton of cigarettes and a bottle; and yet, at the same time, I had to admit, I was going to die if I kept that up – I was going to die fast, unhappy and alo