Quotes about humor-quotes

A comedian is better than a politician at least there is no doubt.

Two things are infinite a woman’s patience and her husband’s mistakes.

Women make the world go round men turn it upside down.

Women never stalk men they just research them intensely.

If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Look out Below!" Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

You know what I could use? A thrill.

Learn to look up now and then, just in case a piano is falling from overhead.

My friend says she's smart. She reads a book to fall asleep.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.

I was tired of this silly joking about my 'speaking countenance'. I could keep a secret as well as anyone. Poirot had always persisted in the humiliating belief that I am a transparent character and that anyone can read what is passing in my mind.

Like most bad ideas, it started with alcohol.

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Using Facebook is like taking a Dyson to your spare time.

Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.

Wisdom of the Ages "News People" Always joking around and happy. I guess that proves that ignorance really is bliss.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Rainier" A beer and a mountain. You drink enough of one and the next day you feel like you fell off the other.All next week Wisdom of the Ages will be featuring the Seattle Seahawks and Super Bowl Topics. Tomorrow's Topic: "Tom Brady's Balls.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Soylent Green" No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin' for a Big Mac.

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

The P-38 WWII Nazi handgun looks comical lying on the breakfast table next to a bowl of oatmeal.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

He threw his hands to his eyes and hissed. Like the hiss of incinerating ashes. "What is this bright, orange orb in the sky that mocks me with its warmth?

So this is what men are like. Well, that's it, then - I am going to be a lesbian.

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

The smell of new office supplies is so satisfying while being kicked out of Staples for inappropriate behavior with a file folder is so embarrassing.

Being a Gentleman, has more to do with hiding his flaws, than exhibiting the virtues!

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.”“Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don’t throw flowers.

I am always happy, because whenever I am sad I just know that somewhere, somehow, there is a person who is PUSHING a door that says PULL.

The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

Look deep into your own eyes so you may see your greatness and recognize the gifts that you were uniquely placed on this planet to learn from, to share, and to teach.

There is never another one of you in exactly the same spot you are in right now, so give yourself a break and release blame from the past so you can be free to move around the future!!

A wise man once said NOTHING... He just let her vent, nodded his head and live happily ever after!

Everyone thinks to the extent of their own depravity,” #HenriettaLedyanova , #FatefulItalianPassion .

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.

There are two ways to learn life's lessons, the easy way and the hard way. I seem to prefer the hard way.

I hang around kids so people will assume when I act like one it's because I'm babysitting.

I deem myself as intellectual and analytical as much as I can but still never miss the chance to goof around and joke about anything but I never laugh at nobody. Good humor is about laughing with not about laughing at.

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

Live life to the fullest or foolest.

Humor is complete intelligence.

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.

All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.

I'm quite certain that if I lost my sense of humor, it would most definitely need to be replaced by a padded cell.

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.