Quotes about humor

So-called intellectuals conceptualize love fools just love.Fools breathe air intellectuals (so called) breathe ego.

Hello. It is Monday. I live in Sun City. Sun City is a city that is entirely contained inside an enormous concrete building in the shape of a sun. Its rays house our living quarters its circular centre is where we work and shop. No one has ever been outside of the city it is generally suspected that the environment outside of the city is uninhabitable.

At the end of human life losses is equal to life gain life earned is equal to life learned and life pain is equal to life lecture. Everything is just one You!

Wit penetrates humor envelops. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence humor is imagination operating on good nature.

There are three things that none of the young men of the present generation can do.They can't sit over their winethey can't play at wistand they can't pay a lady a compliment.

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing none of it is ever very interesting though.

Sing your life any fool can think of words that rhyme.

You say you are a poet of law I saw you are a contradiction in terms. I only wonder there were not comets and earthquakes on the night you appeared in this garden

It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively that was merely an unintended side effect.

You cannot force someone to believe something they do not believe you can only manage to force them to speak or act as if they do.

As the saying goes: God made man and woman Colonel Colt made them equal.

Children are like sponges they start to smell after a little while.

They laugh at me because I'm different I laugh at them because they're all the same.

Vote for the man who promises least he'll be the least disappointing.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana.

It is forbidden to kill therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence then success is sure.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune to lose both looks like carelessness.

You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all it's just your sucky personality.

I despise the rituals of fake friendship. I wish we could just claw each other's eyes out and call it a day instead we put on huge radiant smiles and spout compliments until our teeth hurt from the saccharine sweetness of it all.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print experience is what you get when you don't.

My own business always bores me to death I prefer other people's.

Immature poets imitate mature poets steal.

No single thing abides and all things are fucked up.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

I don’t believe in astrology I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.

Lead me not into temptation I can find the way myself.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

I have a terrible memory I never forget a thing.

Sex is like air it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

I'd been willing to kill for the people I loved for a very long time now I had to start living for them.

We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there you're on your own.

Cats don't need to be possessed they're evil on their own.

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

Computers are like Old Testament gods lots of rules and no mercy.

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective I fully intend to die in the very first wave.Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)

Good-humor is a philosophic state of mind it seems to say to Nature that we take her no more seriously than she takes us. I maintain that one should always talk of philosophy with a smile.

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand pen mighter than the sword and so forth.

He loved her all he could but he couldn't love her very much.

There are no humans left. I should not be alone. I can’t help but wonder that. There were so many of us living. But time started growing young four years ago. It isn’t four years anymore. It’s a number I wouldn’t even be able to say. It feels like four years. It’s trapped in my tender memory as four years. It’s been an age. Multiple ages. It’s been lifetimes every single lifetime that used to exist. I remember my mother screaming. I recall the doctors naming me as nurses wiped away her blood and

I'm not afraid of death I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Don't be bashful we're among gentlemen. It's a known fact that we men are the missing link between the pirate and the pig.

It is not something we often find out but most of the specially-gifted have a deep desire to be ordinary.

Some people have lives some people have music.

You live but once you might as well be amusing.

It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to work it facinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.

The beginning of forgiveness is often exhaustion. You're pooped thank God.

The popular distinction between 'constructive' and 'destructive' criticism is a sentimentality: the mind too weak to perceive in what respects the bad fails is not strong enough to appreciate in what the good succeeds. To be without discrimination is to be unable to praise. The critic who lets you know that he always looks for something to like in works he discusses is not telling you anything about the works or about art he is saying 'see what a nice person I am.

We are not actually in charge of life, yet behave as if we are the masters of our own destiny. The realization of this fact is quite a hard one. The ridiculousness of our pomposity and presumption can only result in anger or humor.

All I do is have fun. When I'm not working, it's about making people laugh. I love making jokes about things. Even when someone's mad at me, I'll deflect anger with humor. My days are filled with laughter. If I'm not laughing, I'm not happy.

Very few things are totally devoid of any possibility of humor. If you are aware of that possibility and alive to the scene becoming that way, then it just happens naturally. That's what I feel living is like, too. I find a lot of things that make me smile or make me laugh over the course of the day.

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul now it's trying to save its body.

Another note to self turn cellphone to silent when you’re trying to be sneaky.

Don't eat 'til you're full eat 'til you're tired.

Man is a clothed animal almost.

It is quite futile to argue that man is small compared to the cosmos for man was always small compared to the nearest tree.

Beware of giggle grins they are highly contagious.

I had a dream about you I’ve had multiple dreams about you. If I had to choose between the real you and the dream you then…Goodnight.

To speak much is one thing to speak to the point another!

Establishing dominance early in the relationship is key. Vampire children are like human children in that they can sense weakness. They will wait for you to be busy or too distracted to realize that you’ve given them permission to feed on the pizza guy.—Siring for the Stupid: A Beginner’s Guide to Raising Newborn Vampires

He's doing a sniffing thing! I've already been through this it's how I got stuck with Aiden!! Meryn yelled

I do not want chemistry to degenerate into a religion I do not want the chemist to believe in the existence of atoms as the Christian believes in the existence of Christ in the communion wafer.

If you don't like your teeth keep your mouth shut.

You don't need to be smarter you just need dumber friends.

Solberg nature's greatest argument against cloning.

Over the years I've received thousands of e-mails looking for guidance. Some have real problems some talk about monkeys and poo--though those people may also have real problems.

I understand your problem. I'd like to help you out which way did you come in?

I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well but please . . . no comments on my author face!

Life is a great big canvas throw all tje paint you can at it.

Writers were a strange sort I knew that much from the newspapers.

Ruth Cole was a novelist novelists are not at their best when they go off half-cocked. She believed that she would prepare what she was going to tell the police - preferably in writing.

A short poem from my book:PerspectiveOf coursethere is a hellshe saidand it hasan observation deckso I maystand and waveto all those kindsouls belowwho warned meI would go there.

There are only two things to be done when a general is angry: One is to get behind the furniture and pretend one is not there the other is to distract his mind.

An assumption is the joke truth the punchline.

Making sensible choices is short-term thinking they never make for good memories.

Evil is relatively rare ignorance is epidemic.

Falling in love is not based on the length of time you spend together it’s based on the innate mindfulness of each other’s joy.

It had only taken me six years to change from a ten-year-old to a sixteen-year-old surely six years wasn't long enough for a transformation of that magnitude.

Give up your dreams you'll accomplish more without sleep.

Quinn wanted to make her see that people didn't live like this but what was the use. No one was going to get her away from Bird Man out there.

Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.

An eye for an eye makes you feel happy inside...- unless you're the second eye P

His thoughts inhabit a different plane from those of ordinary men the simplest interpretation of that is to call him crazy.

I'm already in hell what else you got?

To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It has happened to all of us we are it's victim and we have no control over it.

Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.

Don't worry about it only worry about how people like her breed.

I make mistakes I'll be the second to admit it.

The stoic contemplates fallen leaves the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.

Happy are those who expect nothing they won't be disappointed

They left Puonvangi at the 303rd in the company of a riotous party of Binlisi conventioneers. The Birilisi were an avian species and much given to excessive narcoticism they and Puonvangi were guaranteed to get on. There was much fluttering.

People are so annoying. All my pianists look exactly like poets and all my poets look exactly like pianists.

I don’t argue with fools I educate.

Trust is not hoping your partner will love you it is KNOWING that they DO.

The sun doesn’t live in England it comes here on holiday when we’re all at work.

The termination final chapter of endless road.