Quotes about humorous

Doubt is a lot like faith A mustard's seed worth changes everything.

We all have different languages but we all really mean the same thing.

I hated her out of principle and that principle was bitterness.

...he spent whole days and nights over his books and thus with little sleeping and much reading his brains dried up to such a degree that he lost the use of his reason.

...I'll tell you something else too by the time we're through we shall have had all we can stand of this North woman. I wouldn't mind betting she thinks we have nothing better to do than run around in circles while she gets on with this three-act problem play of hers.

A comedian is better than a politician at least there is no doubt.

An egg is always an adventure it may be different each time

I dont know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.

The jukebox played some hillbilly tune steel guitar and emotion-choked moaning...

That is my story. Believe what you will. I remember it all I remember it still.

Women the supreme masters of the bait and switch.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

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Life is a great big canvas throw all tje paint you can at it.

Screw the shops I want a duty-free office.

Only the great warriors fall down from their horses one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.

It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively that was merely an unintended side effect.

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing none of it is ever very interesting though.

Be generous with your smile and try not to frown.And you will see my children your smile will never let you down ☺

Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here.

They're a little strange, but I'm pretty sure neither of them is going to try to make me uncomfortable by stripping naked.

I don't get why prom is like a mini-wedding these days...No one should spend that kind of money for a high school dance.

I can't help but laugh into my next sip of water. For the first time, mine doesn't seem so bad."I don't know why you're fucking laughing. You have a girl's name and no middle name.

You've got better boobs," I acknowledged. And just as we'd done each time we'd had this boobs-versus-legs conversation, we looked down at our chests. Ogled. Compared.

If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.

What did Finnick Odair want?” he asks.I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick. “He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets,” I say in my best seductive voice.Peeta laughs. “Ugh. Not really.”“Really,” I say. “I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.

It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.” Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway. Bones took my gun and casually handed it to Juan, who gapped at him in amazement. “You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that. My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine.” “And well she should have,” Bones agreed. “She’s mine. Kitten, and no one else’s.

A conclusion is the place you get to when you’re tired of thinking.

Not really a party until someone brings the surprise zombies.

I didn't do it,' he insisted.'Then why did you run?' Sabrina asked.'And send rabbits to eat us! I'm a seven-year-old girl,' Daphne said. 'Do you know how important bunny rabbits are to me?

As far as he was concerned, there were only two good positions for a human. A female on her back. And a male facedown not breathing.

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?

Bad artists always admire each others work.

Wroth, darling,” she purred, smiling so sweetly. “I can’t wait for the next time I get to put my mouth on you.” In an instant the smile faded and she snapped her teeth and yanked her head back as if she was chewing something free.

We have met the enemy and he is us.

You should go." "I can't." "Because you want to stare at the monster?" Alec's green eyes blaze, but with a wholly human fire now. "Or because you pity me?" I couldn't guess which possibility he loathes more. I fold my arms. "I can't leave because the door's locked. Believe me, I would've gone hours ago if I could have." "Oh. Of course." Then he looks so abashed--so boyish, and so handsome--that I almost want to laugh.

Eww," Jack said, and then giggled. "Yeah, and a Paris Hilton doll that had an optional brain."Aphrodite raised her brow at him. "Don't go all crazy. There are some things even Paris Hilton can't buy.

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required".

I don't care how impossible it seems.

She looked like a head-on collision between a fashion plate and a nightmare.

Boredom is not black licorice, Snicket," she said. "There's no reason to share it with me.

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like.

Has there ever been an Inquisitor who didn't die a horrible death?" Simon wondered out loud. " It's like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Right at the flamingo orgy! Left at the multiethnic roof Santas! Straight past the pissing cherubs!

I was behaving, just like I promised, but fate intervened.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?" Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words.

Yeah, my father is an egotistical douchebag," he says roughly. "My name literally means Jonathan empire.

Moreover, if great men are the only hope of the Evolutionary Process, they are morally bound to rule over the masses for their own good -- we are all here on earth to help others: what on earth the others are here for, I don't know -- and the masses have no right whatsoever to resist them.

Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?"Gabriel: "Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word "panties". The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined wi

Don't beat yourself up," said Charlotte. "True love can be so easily mistaken for other things-friendship, humane concern, indigestion...

I lifted my wand, hoping she would see this as a dramatic move, not a threat. “Why once, in my bunker at Charing Cross Station, I stalked thedeadly prey known as Jelly Babies.”Neith’s eyes widened. “They are dangerous?”“Horrible,” I agreed. “Oh, they seem small alone, but they always appear in great numbers. Sticky, fattening—quite deadly. There I was, alonewith only two quid and a Tube pass, beset by Jelly Babies, when…Ah, but never mind. When the Jelly Babies come for you…you will find out ony

A weapon, I told Horus. I need a weapon.I reached into the Duat and pulled out an ostrich feather.“Really?” I yelled.Horus didn’t answer

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If it’s going to be two against one, make sure you aren’t the one.

As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.

Accept that some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re going to be the windshield.

He swallowed. “Have you no modesty?” Never in his life had he encountered a female so quick to be naked. Of course, he’d never in his life encountered a female who should so utterly be naked at any chance.

There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that don't exist in Asia.

‎"If you want that kind of thing, call Nick. His advice is shit, but he really likes to give it.

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.

And I'll wash your other clothes. Shall I also order you a new set of leathers?""Don't-" Wrath shut his mouth. "Sure. That'd be great. And, ah, could you get me some boxers? Black? XXL?

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land."(Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)

Otis barreled towards them empty-handed, before apparently realizing that a) he was empty-handed and b) charging towards a large body of water to fight a son of Poseidon was maybe not a good idea.

I would never have broken up with you," I said earnestly. "I'm more miserable without you than I am with you." As soon as that sentence came out I groaned, because I knew how bad it sounded.But Declan laughed. "Vintage Simon Murray comment.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Okay, boys.” Pestilence's grating voice rang out. “Kill the human and the mutt, and let's get this Apocalypse started!

With a regrettable sigh he shook his head."I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out.""What the hell are you doing, Trevor?" Hankdemanded anxiously. No doubt the manwouldn't be getting laid tonight, but Trevorcouldn't help it. He had his standards andthis woman failed them."Maybe we could go grab a cup of coffeesomewhere and get to know-"He held up his hand, stopping her before shemade an even bigger fool out of herself."Please stop.""But, I was only-""Don't beg.""I wasn't. I was just-""Beggin

In the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser...

I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.

Two fairies were sleeping peacefully on his bed. Dinnie was immediately depressed. He knew that he did not have enough money to see a therapist.

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing.

She narrowed her eyes and concentrated on his mouth. Name. He wanted her name. She had to think about it for a second before she remembered. Great. She must have hit her head. Which, duh, explained the headache.

There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

She is an incredibly intelligent idiot

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday." "Ian," Wesley noted, "that covers the whole week." Ian nods his head. "Pretty much.

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

If you don't have any feelings for Will Darcy, why are you blushing and fixing your hair?

Here you go, dear."" The corners of Mrs. Colbert's mouth curled up. "You like meat, don't you?"Emily blinked. Was it her, or did that statement seem...loaded? She checked Issac for his reaction, but he was innocently selecting a roll from a wicker basket. "Uh, thanks." Emily said, pulling the platter toward her. She did like meat. The kind you, um, eat.

Note to self-give serious thought to becoming an alcoholic.

It was not that he was feckless, more that he had simply not been around the day they handed out feck.

Men exist because a vibrator can't fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card...

(Malory, unhopeful: "I don't suppose you have any tea?" Jesse: "DO YOU WANT EARL GREY OR DARJEELING?" Malory: "Oh, sweet heavens!")

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule." "Well, how am I supposed to know that rule?" "Everyone knows that rule." "I thought you were supposed to be on my side." "I am on your side!

You are only limited by your own imagination

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

By the Angel, this place is barely better than a penny gaff,” Gideon said. “Gabriel, don’t look at anything unless I tell you it’s all right.

Shall I add a man to my collection?

Well, wasn't this a night for firsts. Sex. Arson. Pants.

Oh you two look delicious," Bast said, licking her lips. "No, no-er, I mean wonderful. Now, off you go!

Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic.

So I'm all, "Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!" Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)

Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your dad screwed her over.

If I had wanted children of my own, I would have gotten married. If I had wanted to get married, I would have fallen in love. If I had wanted to fall in love, I would have met the right girl. If I had wanted to meet the right girl, I would have drank a whole lot less.

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms.""Eh?""Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.

It wasn’t until someone kicked his legs that Nik woke up. Alek, snoring beside him, his head resting on his shoulder. Ban snoring on the other couch, the noise rivaled only by the dog. He looked into the impossibly cranky face of Zach Sheridan. “Y’all get food?” “We had a full refrigerator before you three got here.” “Where I come from, we don’t let the refrigerator get empty.” “Where you come from, you marry your sister.

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,” Bones added. “Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

And you’re kind of like a snowflake.’Oh, Jesus Christ.He masked his fleeting surprise with a quirked eyebrow. ‘Excuse me?’‘Nothing,’ I said quickly. ‘I didn’t say anything.’‘No, no,’ he said, rounding on me so his face was too close, his eyes too searing, his smile too irritating. ‘I’m a snowflake, am I?