Quotes about sarcasm

America: It's a free country that is if you can afford it.

Don't worry about it only worry about how people like her breed.

I understand your problem. I'd like to help you out which way did you come in?

I don't profess any religion I don't think it’s possible that there is a God I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ‘spiritual’ or ‘spirituality.']

But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans, to notice the one flaw among a person’s ten good qualities.

It is a futile and ridiculous struggle—but then... it is human nature, I suppose, to be futile and ridiculous.

You are in good shape for a dead man.

A woman's weapon is her tongue.

I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills.

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge. 

Facts are much more malleable than prejudices.

The Gay' is not infectious, the world is not coming to an end, and people are happy. Gosh, how about that.

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

No more shooting from anyone. Or I am going to get seriously cranky with everyone. Suddenly, and violently and all over the place.

...So we passed, handcuffed and in silence, through the streets of Washington, through the Captial of a nation, whose theory of government, we are told, rests on the foundation of man's inalienable right to life, LIBERTY, and the pursuit of happiness! Hail! Columbia, happy land, indeed!

If walls could talk - scratch that, if walls could make sarcastic comments... well, things would be interesting.

In 1803, President Jefferson oversaw the purchase of this land from the French for $15 million. It doesn't sound like much for an area three times the size of France itself but given that they'd stolen it from the Native Americans in the first place, I suppose they couldn't grumble. Once some debts had been wiped and estate agents had taken their commission, Napoleon's France ended up pocketing a little more than $8 million. Which is about how much it cost Pepsi Cola to secure the services of Br

Having your own church doesn't make you a good guy. It only makes you tax-exempt.

Using love as a bait and replacing respect with ego-pampering makes you a skillful social animal; unfortunately, all kinds of animals are less evolved than human beings. Would you like to evolve?

Phones with numerical keypads worked best for dialing phone calls. Incidentally, phone calls tend to be the primary function of a phone. 'Smartphones' completely ignore these basic facts, resulting in some of the least intelligent devices I've seen yet. Oh the irony.

. . . they would rather sneer at us and be smug, because we 'fail' to see what they are driving at. If indeed they are driving at anything--obscurity is usually the refuge of incompetence.

Vampires were always either trying to kill me, or own me. God I hated being popular.

Because we don't really sparkle.

Rest assured you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all.

I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

... And I wondered if we had disappointed God so much, that he wrote us off as pets, just alive to entertain.

-I am alergic to these flowers.-I know.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

Knives and candlelight,” he said, “how romantic.

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.

What’s that around your neck?” asked Emily. “It’s a golden star.” Said Reed.“What did you get it for?”“Chemistry class.”“What’s the star for?” the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student. “You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn’t know what that is.” He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily. “Greatness, what’s greatness?” Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking“It’s when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it.”“Oh, no

It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.

It's easy to make women happier and busier. How? Buy her a talking mirror beside bitching it has to be programmed to say, "You are looking very beautiful and slimmer," at precisely every hour.

If I want to fuck a guy, I want to fuck a guy.

Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?'The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems...""Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

You can give me detention. Oh, wait, that's right...you aren't the boss of me. So I guess you can just bite me. -Dean

Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher

If Jack had followed him instead of trying to reclaim his car, he would undoubtedly have voiced his disappointment that they were not yet shooting laser cannons. Frankly, Richard thought dodging the police’s bullets would be problematic enough.

Got anything to eat?" I asked."You know where the gas station is," said my incredibly nurturing and maternal mother.

What, everyone you know has been kidnapped by pirates and forced to chop octopus in a kitchen that smells like a whale's stomach?""Quite a lot of them, yes," said Trudi, who appeared to be one of those people who'd heard of sarcasm but thought it was some sort of exotic fruit like a pineapple.

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

How many kids are in the Graveyard?""A bunch.""Who sends your supplies?""George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.""How often do you receive new arrivals?""About as often as you beat your wife.

When you succumb to cynicism, darkness, pessimism and sarcasm you are amplifying imbalance and negativity.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Remember, people who peek through keyholes have to expect an occasional poke in the eye.

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian."Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens.

All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?""Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead.”“No, mija. They don’t want you dead.”“Then explain this.” I handed him the picture.He chuckled again.“No, they don’t want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge.”Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye.“Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren’t they?” I flashed my teeth at him.“Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

She'd asked him what it was like to be in there, doing nothing but then being woken up to speak to somebody you couldn't see. He'd said that it was like being woken from a deep and satisfying sleep, to be asked questions while you kept your eyes closed. He was quite happy. Sight was over-rated anyway.

You know," Cecily said, "you really didn't have to throw that man through the window.""He wasn't a man," Gabriel said, scowling. "He was an Unseelie Court faerie. One of the nasty ones.""Is that why you chased him down the street?""He had no business showing images like that to a lady," Gabriel muttered, though it had to be admitted that the lady in question had hardly turned a hair, and seemed more annoyed with Gabriel for his reaction than impressed by his chivalry."And I do think it was exces

Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.

If only a stare can kill, I'm already a murderer.

Sometimes when I have the feeling like I’m almost crying, it can turn into an almost-laughing feeling.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Sarcasm is a manifestation of anger, and anger can make you the puppet of your opponents.

I tweet from bed. I love it because it's so quick. And it's funny. But it also leaves a lot of room for error because new people don't sense the sarcasm - there's no sarcasm font.

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse, people were outraged.

..her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.

So does anyone have a good survival strategy, or is there no hope for getting out of this nightmare?’ asks the Colonel.‘We came up with a big, fat zero. I don’t know how we’re going to survive the blood hunt,’ says Dee.‘That wasn’t the nightmare I was referring to,’ says the Colonel. ‘Death by stupid comments is what I was talking about.

She tapped out a beat on the edge of the piano as I tripped and plummeted through the refrain of “Spacebar,” trying to translate the synth chords into a piano bit on the fly. It had been a million years since I’d played it.But it was still catchy.Whoever had written this song had known what they were doing.

Lord Ironman, please play tonsil hockey with me, just this one time. There, does that make you happy?

Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.

Well, bloody noses." I hug his coat tighter. "Those are definitely hot.

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

I was starting to hate my sixteenth birthday. A poufy white dress and a cake with roses made out of pink icing and awkward dancing with boys in awkward suits was starting to sound like a great alternative. Seriously. Sign my up, I wouldn't even complain.

I sheep's idea of bravery : To become a wolf's pet.

Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.""What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?""Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies.

As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice." "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Don't let it go to your head.

Sometimes, I think, that in the mornings when you first wake up, every thing that happened in the previous day rushes through our mind so fast, we, A: Don't realize it. B: Become more tired, die a little inside, and become groggy. Since everyday, we die a little inside we age closer and closer to death. We constantly grow older, and we're constantly dying. Therefore, don't wake me up early, or I'll take it that you wanted to kill me.

In the meantime, I’ll get a job. I’ll pay my own way.” “A job?” “Mmm, yeah. It’s that thing people do to make money.

Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. "Absolutely," Jonas replied."Dangerous animals too.""Without a doubt."She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you."He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush.

I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.

All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?”“I languish in sin,” I replied in the same tone. “I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy.

Playful, positive sarcasm is different from negative mean sarcasm, and many people don't know the difference.

The building is a tumbling house of cards behind me. The bus bitches are paper cutouts.

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen.""Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River."For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana.""No, apparently it's murder time.

They were shot with a shotgun and put in garbage bags and thrown under a bridge," Shrake said. "If it wasn't murder, it was a really weird accident.

I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work.

Ignore the reek of feces in the air, the bloodstains on the ground, and you have yourself a glorious night.

Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.